"Marriage is the perfect setting to defend the lie people are the problem."
Why Marriage Fails
Almost no one has a meaningful clue why marriages fail. The answers are counter intuitive. The answers exist, but they exist upstream of our prevailing range of awareness. Picture that consciousness is divisible into 1) what the truth is, and 2) how we fill time pretending we can prove truth is false. What stands between the two is amnesia, or what it takes to keep truth out of sight and out of mind. Without access to the truth, what’s left is reiterating the fictions we keep in place as “the truth.” Truth exists, but it exists on the other side of amnesia.
Amnesia shields us from the truth so we can defend the lies we refer to as “the truth.” The truth is, time displays the sum of the lies we defend as “the truth.” It isn’t possible to solve problems without access to the truth, and this involves expanding into consciousness to retrieve “the rest of the story.” Time displays how reluctant we are to do this. We refer to this as “resistance,” but when you ask the question, what does resistance resist, the answer is --- truth. You can’t solve problems without full access to the truth. You can’t solve problems with the set of lies we keep in place as “the truth.” Without access to “The Big Picture,” we get to do the same things, “over and over again, expecting a different result.” If you dismiss half the equation, there is no way to solve the equation. What you get is the reiteration of nonsense.
Once you retrieve the truth, you find out, much to your surprise, trying to prove truth is false is the only problem anyone has. People are not the source of your suffering. This is one of our favorite lies: we much prefer to pretend people are the problem then to find out we are only ‘at war with truth,’ and manage to obscure this fact by keeping people in place as “the problem.” There is no way to resolve your problem as long as you keep the lie in place people are the problem. The problem is, nothing we do, say, think or feel can revoke the fact we are ‘at war with truth.’
Marriage is the perfect setting to defend the lie people are the problem. For example, truth recovered reveals that control doesn’t exist. Amnesia obscures this fact so we can pursue the fiction it not only exists, but we have it. Couples waste time defending the lie control exists, each one relying on a set of tricks to defend the fiction control exists. Couples work as a team to defend the lie control exists by doing the same things over and over again, waiting to prove the one or the other has it to prove it exists. If it doesn’t exist, then time (the marriage) provides the setting for the defense of the lie it exists.
Once a couple is willing to consider control doesn’t exist, they begin to see they are not at war with one another; they are ‘at war with truth,’ wasting time defending the fiction the spouse is the problem. Once this part of “The Big Picture” comes into focus, the couple realizes, much to their surprise, they are on the same page --- trying to prove control exists by pretending there is more than one page to be on. “The enemy” isn’t the spouse; the shared enemy is the fact no one has control because it doesn’t exist. If it doesn’t exist, filling time with the ‘right/wrong debate’ is both circular and redundant. What comes into focus next is the realization that the defense of the fiction control exists is the death of love. Divorce is sad because upstream of the lie control exists, we are friends. The truth is, love always takes the hit as long as we fill time in defense of the lie control exists. It turns harmony into utter chaos.
When you retrieve “The Big Picture,” you get to find out why defending the lie control exists is more important than love. All relationships suffer as long as we fill time with this lie. ‘Waking up’ makes it possible to work with truth, rather than fill time defending the fiction as truth. The goal of the work I do is to assist you to shift from the lies you defend as “the truth,” to the truth. Once armed with the truth, you are free to witness when you are aligned with it, or giving it a hard time.