"Violence is irrational, mindless, and always destructive."
Reality is dotted with violence. This has been true since the beginning of time. Superficially, it is paradoxical: we insist we are "intelligent beings" and yet we continue to settle issues and disputes with violence. It is irrational, mindless, and always destructive. If you look into the interior of violence, it is always 'grudge-driven,' and if your look into the interior of grudge you discover it stems from duality, the story we occupy that defends the lie we have a 'damaged self,' and that revenge is justified.
Defending the lie the self is real is job one in reality. Story provides the context for the lie the self is real. Everyone's life is story-driven, derived from conclusions about early events and experiences. The self we invent is either positive or negative, whole or 'damaged.' Story provides the context for the defense of the invented self. Once we invent the self, life features everything we do to defend the lie it's real and not invented. The last thing we want to know is that the self is invented. It's defense defines how we fill time.
If the self you invent is positive, the story you occupy features you playing the part of a "nice person." This parody is one step away from the fact the self only 'exists' as the concept we invent to portray a specific someone. The distinguishing feature of a 'nice self,' is the absence of duality. Time doesn't feature you defending the lie the invented self is separate from other selves. You retain the truth that we are connected. You don't emphasize the concept of 'taking sides,' so the level of opposition or conflict remains low. Low duality equals low conflict and low duality goes with low levels of violence.
If the self you invent is negative, the story you occupy features you playing the part of a victim, someone with a 'damaged self' who seeks some form of revenge or retribution. The telltale sign of the negative self is grudge, and grudge goes with duality, a drama that features separation, victims and villains, taking sides, and 'getting event.' As duality goes up, the probability for violence goes up. The individual with a positive self doesn't even think about violence. The potential for violence comes from a 'negative self,' someone who occupies a story that features them as a 'tragic figure' who is entitled to revenge. The difference between a positive and a negative self is duality, a negative story that supports alienation, huge 'self pity,' and assignation of 'blame.' As duality goes up, volatility goes up, and the individual becomes progressively subjective, irrational, delusional and inappropriate. What drives this drama is duality and no one can defend the lie the self is real without it. What was intuitive before quickly becomes transparent and immediate: you know, without knowing why or how, when you are in the presence of high duality. Fear is often the warning signal that you are in the presence of duality, which manifests as "evil."
A bully is someone who justifies bullying because it was bullied. It's no great surprise that sexual offenders were the target of sexual abuse. What goes with the creation of a negative self is revenge. The motto is, "and you shall suffer as I have suffered." We are run by the self we invent in response to the suffering associated with the events we keep in place as facts.
The question is, which is worse, the original events we reiterate to defend the lie the self we have is 'damaged,' or using the story we occupy to play the part of a victim for the rest of our life, or until we challenge the authenticity of the self that runs our stance in life?
Story gives the self a drama to star in, long past the events that gave rise to the creation of a 'damaged self.' Keeping the past alive with memory works to defend the lie the self we invented is real, but this locks us into living in the past for a lifetime. Meanwhile, the past is gone, and right now, viewed accurately, is just fine. As duality goes up, the filter we look through colors life as "awful."
The reiteration of the negative, 'damaged self,' features us frozen time, living in the memory of 'bad events,' as if the past is what 'right now' is. A huge percentage of us are 'past dwellers,' myopically stuck in time, living in the 'bad feelings' that go with 'bad memories.' Memory works to document the lie the self is real and not invented. Memory services the lie the self is real, and time accurately displays what part of time is devoted to the defense of the lie the self is real. What we hate more than suffering is the hidden possibility we depend on the reiteration of 'bad memories' to refresh 'the bad feelings' necessary to sustain the fiction the invented self is real. What comes into focus is the startling realization that the defense of the invented self takes precedence over everything, including objectivity, happiness, love, health and well being.
The goal of "The Recovery Process" online counseling is to assist a client to wake up, and waking up is the shift from the collection of lies we defend as facts, back to the truth we dismiss as false. Waking up is synonymous with "going sane."